Florida Drunk

There is no greater drunk than Florida drunk.

Sandy, sweaty, salty, and overheated. Plus, you may or may not be in a bikini/banana-hammock.

floriduh

Stay sloshy,

~ Tori

Advertisements

A long hiatus…

Apologies for the ridiculously long hiatus, but my drinking has been so excessive, it’s basically knocked me out by 11pm every evening.

Crazy, right?

I hope to post on a semi-frequent basis in the coming weeks, as I’m definitely lushing (yes, that’s a new verb) it out and need an outlet for my verbal diarrhea.

Here’s a shitty painting I made:

20140716-000344-224658.jpg

Fucking Pinterest, making it look all easy and shit… this thing looks like a toddler made it, but hell, why not?

Stay sloshy, my friends!

T

So, I bought this…

20131105-192911.jpg

I purchased this kick-ass shirt this weekend and it wasn’t until I got home that I realized there was a serious, glaring error with this shirt.

Like, what the fuck?

How do you make that BIG of a mistake on a shirt?

Can you see what is missing?

It will take a second or two. I know I missed it the first time.

Can’t figure it out?

I will give you a hint: something VERY OBVIOUS is missing.

Still can’t find it?

OK, OK. I will help you out, but you’re going to feel like an idiot once I tell you.

This is what the shirt says:

“Real women drink craft beer.”

Here is what it should say:

“Real women drink craft beer… And wine, and liquor, and anything else with an alcohol content.”

Feel like an idiot for missing something so obvious, right?

Yeah, me too.

Oh well. I’m still going to rock that shit like a boss and just laugh at everyone that doesn’t catch the error as I slosh my drink on them.

Sunshine and rainbows, my alchies!

– Grog

The best and the funniest!

The best and the funniest!

Best decisions I’ve made while drunk:

* Singing Selena at a karaoke bar.
* Taking my heels off and walking barefoot down four downtown blocks.
* Starting a wet t-shirt contest at a TGIFridays. (I won and lost at the same time. Long story.)
* Letting someone with shaky hands attempt a body shot on me. (I ended up wearing 75% of it.)

What are some of the best drunk decisions you’ve made? Let us hear ’em!

~ Grog

OPTIONAL TITLE

Hello guys n’ gals!

 

Moonshine here, shwasty-faced, as per usual.

You know, if alcohol ads said that what really happens when you drink, it would probably be less enticing. Or more, defpends if you like embarrassing yourself or nto, I guess.

Image

When I get drunk, I go full-on white girl drunbk, and that means, yes, dirty white girl dancing. Something about the music just moves tme to get up, and well, uy’know, actually MOVE myself, and so smtimes I dance.

 

Alot.

 

I think I danced for 20 minutes tonight, and did a summersault on the floor.

 

As my fiance says, I was being “cray.”

 

Oh well, white girl drunk or not, I’ve got another bottle to tear through and a pool table to obliterate and/or dance on. 

 

Fuzzy. Very.

Moonshine