Florida Drunk

There is no greater drunk than Florida drunk.

Sandy, sweaty, salty, and overheated. Plus, you may or may not be in a bikini/banana-hammock.


Stay sloshy,

~ Tori


National Rum Day: Saturday, August 16th!

Uh oh! It’s my favorite time of the year – National Rum Day!

How did the holiday sneak up on me again? I haven’t finished my NRD shopping yet: still need to run out and buy all of my loved ones bags of limes, fresh mint, and lots of Coca-Cola so they can make themselves a festive drink while reading Hunter S. Thompson’s The Rum Diaries.

What better way to celebrate National Rum Day than baking a cake? My girl Jessica Reyes has hooked us up with a KILLER recipe for Puerto Rican Rum Cake that’s super simple, delicious, and – best part – uses over a cup of rum in the recipe. Um, yes, please!

So, what are you waiting for, kiddos? It’s National Rum Day Eve: go do your last minute shopping and get to celebrating!

Keep it sloshy,

❤ Tori

A long hiatus…

Apologies for the ridiculously long hiatus, but my drinking has been so excessive, it’s basically knocked me out by 11pm every evening.

Crazy, right?

I hope to post on a semi-frequent basis in the coming weeks, as I’m definitely lushing (yes, that’s a new verb) it out and need an outlet for my verbal diarrhea.

Here’s a shitty painting I made:


Fucking Pinterest, making it look all easy and shit… this thing looks like a toddler made it, but hell, why not?

Stay sloshy, my friends!


Hey there, righteous babe….

Sorry, I went crazy but I’m back now and I got tshirts for everybody!

A friend of mine had her very own custom drink made available for the world to see by a new start up company called Sea Bishop Spirits.

It’s called The Righteous Babe. Who doesn’t want that?  You can have your very own, at home, by using and doing the following things… It is scientifically proven to attract righteous babes, said no scientist ever.

1 1/2oz good, organic raw whiskey (such as Death’s Door White Whiskey)
1 1/2oz blueberry-basil simple syrup*
1 1/2oz fresh pressed lemon juice
3/4oz gran gala

Use a spent lemon half to moisten the rim of your bucket glass. Give it a good twist in your sugar dish, then pack your glass with ice. Combine all ingredients in a plastic mixing pint, give them a good shake, then strain over your fresh ice. Top with soda water, and garnish with a lemon twist.

*The blueberry-basil simple syrup is an easy feat! Take your usual ratio of sugar to water and combine with a pint of blueberries and a chiffonade of basil. Let simmer for about an hour before straining.

All credit goes to Sydney Uebelacker.

Behind the scenes:
The picture is actually a virgin righteous babe that Syd made just for the purposes of a picture. I had the pleasure of having this virgin righteous babe and it was… super crisp and oh so sweet. You know what I mean. And if you don’t, I suggest you get on it! Make this drink, you pervs!

Pro Tip: That blueberry-basil simple syrup makes a dank ass Italian soda. Straight palate orgasm. No joke. Ask me for a recipe and I’ll procure one. I supply palate orgasms for a living…

You can find Sea Bishop Spirits here https://www.facebook.com/SeaBishopSpirits and here https://twitter.com/DrinkSeaBishop.

Have fun and be safe, friends!

So, I bought this…


I purchased this kick-ass shirt this weekend and it wasn’t until I got home that I realized there was a serious, glaring error with this shirt.

Like, what the fuck?

How do you make that BIG of a mistake on a shirt?

Can you see what is missing?

It will take a second or two. I know I missed it the first time.

Can’t figure it out?

I will give you a hint: something VERY OBVIOUS is missing.

Still can’t find it?

OK, OK. I will help you out, but you’re going to feel like an idiot once I tell you.

This is what the shirt says:

“Real women drink craft beer.”

Here is what it should say:

“Real women drink craft beer… And wine, and liquor, and anything else with an alcohol content.”

Feel like an idiot for missing something so obvious, right?

Yeah, me too.

Oh well. I’m still going to rock that shit like a boss and just laugh at everyone that doesn’t catch the error as I slosh my drink on them.

Sunshine and rainbows, my alchies!

– Grog