DYSLEXICS, UNTIE! (Whoever made that word is a douche, because I can’t even spell it sober)

Tonight’s a screwdriver kinda night, and I’m a screwdriver kinda gal!Image

Is that dental floss in the background? You bet your arse, sweet cheeks! We love our teeth around here!

You see that, folks? That’s classiness right there.

Pinky out, ‘cause I’m one helluva classy lady.

I decided tonight that alcohol and Super Mario Bros. do not mix. To clarify, that’s the newer one where you’re on a team with your fiancé, and even though you bought him the Wii U for his birthday, he still doesn’t have the fuckin’ decency to let you be Mario for once… but I digress.

SMBs is quite the volatile concoc(k)tion for when you’re already tipsy and staring down the barrel of that screwdriver you only made because someone drank all of the cranberry juice and didn’t tell you.

You know what’s really satisfying? A huge, wet, sloppy…

 

…bowl of Pho.

(That’s pronounced ‘fuh’ for all of you uncultured swine.)

 What’dja think I was gonna say.

 Me? Make a dick joke? Not on your life, Nancy. Unless your name isn’t Nancy, in which case… maybe. If your name is Nancy, though, bad news, I sktraight up lied to yo face!

Nancy. Puh. The only “Nancy”s I know are bitches. There was “Just Say No” Nancy, and… uh, “Nancy-boy”? Alright, that’s reaching

OH 

Nancy Drew. She friend-zoned Frank Hardy so fast that boy had whiplash on their adventure to Egypt.

… No, YOU’RE showing your age!

(Sigh) I swear to god, guys, cultural references… get them. They’re not hipster, they’re just obscure.

I can’t be the only one who wanted the illicit romance between Nancy and Frank to happen, can I?! Besides, who the fuck wants to marry a guy named “Ned Nickerson” anyway? Fuckssake, they’d be Nancy and Ned Nickerson!

In conclusion—Nancy Drew: Crime Solving Bitch Face and Cockblock Extraordinaire.

Fuzzy, shits and giggles,

Moonshie 

 

 

 

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One response to “DYSLEXICS, UNTIE! (Whoever made that word is a douche, because I can’t even spell it sober)

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