You didn’t know it was National Rum Day?
You bet your skid-marked britches that’s a real holiday, folks, and this drunkard – enthusiastically points at self – plans to celebrate hardcore tonight.
Don’t think my lack of recent posts means I’ve gone all soberfied on you – to be honest, I’ve just drank so much most nights that I’m barely able to avoid walking into walls and NOT wetting myself has become a heroic feat of strength. Yup, I’m walking that precarious line between functioning alcoholic and table-dancing, vomit-in-the-hair, raging alcoholic quite nicely.
I swear on my bottle of Captain Morgan’s that I shall not get too sloshed to post this weekend and, in honor of National Rum Day, I’ll even try not to moon anyone before midnight.