Good evening, you soggy-bottomed sons of bitches.
I am RummyTummy, aka Brother Mayhem, aka the guy that your grandma scowled at while he held the door open for her at the convenient store – what’s her fuckin problem!? You never seen a tattoo before!?
I was invited here by Grog and Moonshine to share my drunkardly thoughts with you, my lovely loverly audience. They gave me free reign to do as I please and that is as much as any human being can ask. So let’s hope I don’t disappoint them. Cheers, mates!
Adorn your rubber panties cuz this shit is about to get wild…. mildly. Mildly Wild, which just so happens to be the name of my number one debut album.
Found only in my dreams.
Onward! Tonight’s poison is damn near a pint of Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum with cherry Pepsi – I usually go for coke at the bar but I’m at home so whatever whatever.
And a shot of Hornitos because it is National Tequila Day, after all. Isn’t that goat fucking AWESOME!? He – it – makes me incredibly happy. That sweater… Aaaaaaw.
I want to play a game that gets us acquainted with one another. It’s called “Pick the Lie,” or some shit. There has to be a better name… It’s a fun little icebreaker you can use on a date or at the bar. Here is how the game goes down…
I tell you three facts about myself; one of those facts is a total lie. It is up to you, the savvy reader – my assumed partner for the night – to pick the lie… or some shit.
Are you ready for this? All of these facts are true, except one… Tell us, The Drunken Writers, which one of these facts is a lie in the comments below.
I, Brother Mayhem, aka the guy typing this, has had his balls – his motherfuckin’ testicles – ultra sounded not once, BUT TWICE during his entire existence of damn near 27 years. It wasn’t as hot as you’d imagine.
I was once arrested for being half drunk, naked, and smoking a cigarette on my lover’s back porch. Yes, I was too lazy to get dressed before having a cig. Yes, I realize that this is a public area.
I once Grey-Hounded halfway across the country to meet a girl I met playing online checkers. This is some straight up Napoleon Dynamite shit – at least that’s what the friends said.
Which one is the lie? You tell me in the comments below, right before I take you home and…
I would like Moonshine and Grog to share their own secrets and lies with our savvy and assumed one-night houseguests…
Bow Chicka Wow Wow
Be safe, friends.